What NOT to Do When You Get Served

The Mistakes That Lose Cases Before They Start

The first week after being served is when most fathers make the errors that haunt them for the entire case. Every one of these mistakes seems reasonable in the moment. None of them are.

1. Don't Confront Your Ex

You're angry. Maybe blindsided. The urge to call, text, or show up and demand answers is overwhelming. Don't do it. Every confrontation becomes their evidence. That heated text message? Screenshot, printed, handed to the judge. That argument in the driveway? Their witness saw the whole thing.

Instead: communicate only about the children, only through a co-parenting app like TalkingParents or OurFamilyWizard, and keep every message factual and brief.

2. Don't Post on Social Media

Nothing. No vague posts, no angry quotes, no sad song lyrics, no photos of you at a bar. Absolutely nothing about your case, your ex, or your feelings. Make every account private right now.

Attorneys routinely subpoena social media. Screenshots are the easiest evidence to present. That "harmless" post will be taken out of context.

3. Don't Withhold the Kids

If there's an existing custody order or parenting schedule, follow it to the letter. If there's no order yet, do not unilaterally change the status quo. Don't refuse to return the kids, don't change the locks, don't take the kids to your parents' house and refuse to bring them back.

Judges view this as self-help and it almost always backfires. If you have genuine safety concerns about the children, file an emergency motion through the court — don't take matters into your own hands.

4. Don't Ignore the Papers

This is the most catastrophic mistake. Some fathers toss the papers on the counter and pretend it's not happening. Others convince themselves it'll "work itself out." It won't.

If you don't file a response by the deadline, the court can enter a default judgment — the other side gets everything they asked for without a hearing. You lose without ever being heard. Response deadlines are typically 20–30 days from service depending on your state.

5. Don't Badmouth the Other Parent to Your Kids

Your children are not your allies in this case. They're the people the court is protecting. Saying negative things about their other parent — even things that are true — will be used against you as evidence that you're not focused on the children's best interests.

If your kids ask questions, keep it age-appropriate and neutral: "Mom and Dad are working some things out, but we both love you and that's never going to change."

6. Don't Hide Assets or Move Money Secretly

The court will find out. Financial discovery is thorough. Hiding assets is not just bad strategy — it can be contempt of court. Moving large sums out of joint accounts makes you look guilty of exactly what you're trying to prevent.

Open a separate account and deposit your own income there. Document joint assets. Don't touch the rest until the court sorts it out or your attorney advises you.

7. Don't Represent Yourself Without at Least Consulting an Attorney

You might end up going pro se (self-represented). That's a valid choice for some situations. But make that decision after at least consulting with an attorney who can tell you what you're up against. A one-hour consultation ($100–$300) could save you from a mistake worth thousands.

Free consultation options: LawHelp.org, ABA Free Legal Answers, your state bar's referral service.

The Bottom Line

The first week sets the tone for the entire case. Judges form impressions. Evidence gets created. Mistakes get made that can't be undone. Be the father who was calm, strategic, and focused on his children from day one.