Self-Represented in Family Court: A Survival Guide

Going Pro Se

You're representing yourself. Maybe you can't afford an attorney. Maybe you tried Legal Aid and didn't qualify. Whatever the reason, you're here, and you need to be prepared. Self-represented litigants win cases every day. But they win by being organized, respectful, and informed.

Courtroom Basics

How to Address the Judge

• Always say "Your Honor"
• Stand when speaking to the judge
• Stand when the judge enters or exits

Courtroom Layout

• Judge's bench: Elevated desk at the front
• Witness stand: Next to the judge, where witnesses sit to testify
• Counsel tables: Where you and the other party sit (usually petitioner on the left, respondent on the right)
• Gallery: Seating for observers behind the bar
• Clerk: Sits near the judge, handles paperwork
• Bailiff: Security, maintains order

Basic Courtroom Rules

• Silence your phone (better yet, turn it off)
• No food or drink (water may be allowed)
• No hats or sunglasses
• No talking when others are speaking
• No emotional outbursts

Filing Procedures

1. Get the right forms: Visit your county court's self-help center or website. The Family Law Self-Help Center has excellent templates.
2. Fill out forms completely: Every blank must be filled in. Write "N/A" for items that don't apply.
3. File with the clerk: Bring the original plus 2–3 copies. Pay the filing fee or submit a fee waiver.
4. Serve the other party: You must formally notify the other side. The clerk can explain service requirements.

Presenting Your Case

Organization Is Everything

• Create an evidence binder with tabs (see our Evidence Binder guide)
• Prepare an outline of your key points
• Know what you want the judge to order (be specific)

Telling Your Story

• Be brief and factual — judges have limited time
• Lead with your strongest points
• Use "I" statements: "I pick up the children every Tuesday" not "She never lets me..."
• Reference your evidence: "Your Honor, as shown in Exhibit 3..."

Questioning Witnesses

• Ask questions, don't make statements
• Keep questions short and clear
• Don't argue with the witness — let the judge draw conclusions

Making Objections

Basic objections you should know:

• Hearsay: "She told me he said..." — object: "Hearsay, Your Honor"
• Relevance: If testimony doesn't relate to the issue — "Objection, relevance"
• Leading: Questions that suggest the answer during direct examination

Key Resources for Self-Represented Litigants

• Nolo.com Family Law — free legal encyclopedia
• Family Law Self-Help Center — forms, instructions, guides
• Your county court's self-help center — most courthouses have one with free assistance
• LawHelp.org — find legal aid in your state

When to Get Help

Even if you can't afford full representation, consider:

• Limited scope representation: An attorney handles specific parts of your case (filing, one hearing, document review)
• Document review: Pay an attorney for 1–2 hours to review your filings before you submit them
• ABA Free Legal Answers: Get specific questions answered for free

Next Steps

1. Visit your court's self-help center this week
2. Get the correct forms for your situation
3. Read your local court's rules and procedures
4. Create your evidence binder
5. Practice your presentation out loud