Courtroom Etiquette That Judges Notice

Judges Are Watching Everything

From the moment you walk into the courthouse, you're being observed. How you carry yourself communicates volumes about your character, your stability, and your fitness as a parent. Judges have told us what they notice most.

What to Wear

Ideal: A suit or sport coat with dress pants and a tie
Acceptable: Dress shirt (collared, tucked in) with dress pants and dress shoes
Never: Jeans, t-shirts, shorts, flip-flops, hats, sunglasses, flashy jewelry, anything with logos or slogans

Iron your clothes. Polish your shoes. Get a haircut. This isn't vanity — it's respect for the court and shows the judge you take this seriously.

How to Speak

Address the judge as "Your Honor" — every time
Stand when speaking to the judge (unless told otherwise)
Speak clearly and at a moderate pace — nerves make people rush
Answer questions directly — yes or no first, then explain if needed
Don't ramble — make your point and stop
Never say "to be honest" — it implies you weren't being honest before
Never say "I feel like..." — courts deal in facts, not feelings
Use "the other parent" or their name — never "my ex," "my baby mama," or anything derogatory

Body Language

Sit up straight at the counsel table
No eye-rolling when the other side speaks — judges catch this every time
No sighing, scoffing, or shaking your head
No whispering to supporters in the gallery
Maintain a neutral expression — especially when you hear something frustrating
Make appropriate eye contact with the judge when speaking
Keep your hands visible and still — no fidgeting, no crossed arms

Phone Policy

Silent mode (not vibrate — silent)
Face down on the table or in your pocket
Never check it during proceedings — not even a glance
Never take photos or record in the courtroom (illegal in most jurisdictions without permission)

What to Bring

Evidence binder (organized with tabs, 3 copies)
Pen and notepad (take notes during testimony)
Copies of all filings in the case
A water bottle (courthouses often allow these)
Patience — court schedules run long

How to Handle the Other Parent

Do not engage — no talking, no eye contact, no gestures
Do not react to their testimony, even if it's lies
In the hallway: Stay away. If they approach you, say nothing and walk away.
If they provoke you: That's the goal. Don't give them what they want.

When to Speak and When to Stay Quiet

Speak when the judge addresses you
Speak when it's your turn to present
Object when necessary (keep it brief: "Objection, hearsay, Your Honor")
Stay quiet when the other side is presenting — your turn will come
Never interrupt the judge — even if they're wrong about something. Wait for an appropriate moment.

Emotional Regulation Wins Cases

This is the hardest part and the most important. The other side may lie. Their attorney may be aggressive. The process may feel unfair. Your job is to stay composed through all of it.

Breathe deeply and slowly when you feel anger rising
Focus on facts, not emotions
Write down your reaction instead of showing it
Remember: the judge is evaluating which parent is more stable

Judges have said the single most impressive thing a parent can do in court is remain calm when provoked. It demonstrates exactly the kind of emotional maturity that makes a good parent.

Next Steps

Plan your court outfit today
Practice answering questions out loud (in front of a mirror)
Review your evidence binder so you know where everything is
Arrive 30 minutes early to settle your nerves
Remind yourself: this is a performance of competence, not a reaction to injustice