Your Ex Isn't Following the Court Order — Now What?

When the Order Means Nothing to Them

You have a court order. It's clear. It says who gets the kids when, how decisions are made, what the rules are. And the other parent is ignoring it. This is not uncommon, and the law has tools for it. But you need to use those tools correctly.

What Constitutes Contempt

Contempt of court means willfully disobeying a valid court order. Key word: willfully. A one-time mix-up isn't contempt. A pattern of deliberate violations is. Common examples:

Repeatedly denying your scheduled parenting time
Refusing to return children at the agreed time
Making major decisions (medical, educational, religious) without your input when joint decision-making is required
Refusing to allow phone or video contact when the order provides for it
Moving without providing required notice
Failing to pay court-ordered support

Document Before You File

Before going to court, you need proof. For every violation, record:

Date and time of the violation
What the order says should have happened
What actually happened (factual description)
How you responded (texts, emails, showing up at the agreed time)
Witnesses who can confirm what happened
Impact on the children

Use OurFamilyWizard or TalkingParents for all communication — these create court-admissible, timestamped records that neither party can edit or delete.

The Filing Process

Obtain the correct form: Your court clerk or court self-help center can provide the contempt motion form. Many states have these online — check Family Law Self-Help Center for templates.
Draft your motion: Identify the specific order provisions being violated, list each violation with dates and evidence, and state what you're asking the court to do.
File with the court: File the motion with the clerk of the court that issued the original order. Pay the filing fee (or request a fee waiver if you qualify).
Serve the other party: They must be formally notified. Follow your state's service requirements.
Attend the hearing: Present your evidence, testimony, and witnesses.

What to Expect at the Hearing

The judge will want to see:

The original order (bring a copy)
Evidence of specific violations
That you gave the other party opportunities to comply
That the violations are willful, not accidental

Possible outcomes:

Warning: First-time violations may result in a judicial warning
Make-up time: Compensatory parenting time for what was denied
Fines: Financial penalties for ongoing violations
Attorney fees: The violating party may be ordered to pay your legal costs
Modification: The court may change the order to prevent future violations
Jail time: Rare, but possible for repeated, egregious contempt

Never Engage in Self-Help

Do NOT withhold support payments because they're withholding visitation. Do NOT refuse to return the kids because they denied your time last weekend. Two wrongs don't make a right, and the judge will hold your violations against you too. Use the legal process.

Cost Considerations

Filing fees: $50–$300 depending on jurisdiction
Attorney fees for a contempt motion: $1,500–$5,000
Pro se filing: possible but complex

Next Steps

Review your court order and identify specific provisions being violated
Compile your documentation with dates and evidence
Consult an attorney — LawHelp.org for free options
File your contempt motion before the pattern gets worse