Defending Against a Restraining Order

The Hearing Is Your Chance

A Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) was granted without your input. That's how the system works — the petitioner tells their side, and the judge errs on the side of caution. But the TRO is temporary. The hearing — usually set 14–21 days after the TRO is issued — is where you get to present your side.

TRO vs. Permanent Restraining Order

TRO (Temporary): Granted ex parte (without your participation). Lasts until the hearing. Low standard of proof.
Permanent Restraining Order: Issued after a hearing where both sides present evidence. Despite the name, it's typically valid for 3–5 years, not literally permanent. Higher standard of proof.

Your goal at the hearing is to prevent the TRO from becoming a longer-term order.

Preparing Your Defense

Get an Attorney

This hearing can define your custody case. A restraining order finding affects custody presumptions, housing, firearms rights, and your record. This is not the time to go pro se.

LawHelp.org — free legal aid
Avvo — attorney search
DASH Helpline for Men: 1-888-743-5754 — support and referrals

Gather Evidence

You need to counter the petitioner's claims with facts:

Communication records: Texts, emails, co-parenting app messages that show the true nature of your interactions. Print them organized by date.
Timeline of events: Create a detailed, factual timeline of the period covered by the allegations. Include where you were, who was with you, and what evidence supports it.
Witnesses: Identify people who were present during alleged incidents or who can speak to your character and the relationship dynamic. Prepare a witness list.
Photos and videos: Any that contradict the allegations or show the normal dynamic.
Police reports: If police were called and found no issue, get those reports.
Prior orders and agreements: Any existing custody or visitation arrangements that show a functioning co-parenting relationship.

Write Your Response Declaration

Most courts allow (or require) a written response to the TRO petition. This is your chance to tell your side in writing before the hearing. Include:

Point-by-point response to each allegation
Your version of events, supported by evidence
Context the petition left out
Your concerns about how the TRO is affecting your relationship with your children

What Judges Look For

At the hearing, the judge evaluates:

Credibility: Who is more believable? Consistency, demeanor, and supporting evidence all matter.
Specificity: Vague allegations ("he scares me") carry less weight than specific incidents with dates and details.
Evidence: Documents, witnesses, and records beat one person's word against another's.
Motive: Judges are aware that restraining orders are sometimes used tactically in custody disputes. If the timing coincides with a custody filing, judges notice.
Pattern vs. incident: Is there a pattern of behavior or a single, disputed event?

Common Mistakes

Not showing up: The order becomes permanent by default. Never miss this hearing.
Emotional testimony: Stay factual. Anger proves their point. Calm proves yours.
Attacking the petitioner's character: Focus on the facts, not on why they're a bad person.
Violating the TRO before the hearing: Even accidentally. Any violation is a separate criminal matter and destroys your credibility.

How a Restraining Order Affects Custody

In many states, a restraining order based on domestic violence creates a presumption against custody for the restrained party. This is why the hearing matters so much — it's not just about the restraining order, it's about your custody case.

Resources

DASH Helpline for Men: 1-888-743-5754
National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 — thehotline.org (serves all genders)
LawHelp.org — free legal help
Nolo.com — legal information

Next Steps

Read the TRO carefully and comply with every provision
Hire an attorney immediately
Begin gathering evidence and identifying witnesses
Write your response declaration
Prepare for the hearing — your future custody depends on it