Recognizing Parental Alienation

What Alienation Looks Like

Parental alienation happens when one parent systematically undermines the child's relationship with the other parent. It's not just badmouthing — it's a campaign. And it's one of the most painful experiences a father can face.

The Warning Signs

Watch for these behaviors in your child:

Unjustified rejection: Your child refuses to see you or be with you, but can't articulate a real reason — or gives reasons that sound rehearsed
Adult language: Your child uses phrases or legal terms a child wouldn't know: "You're not a good father" or "You abandoned us"
No guilt: A child who previously loved spending time with you now treats you with contempt and feels no guilt about it
Claiming independent thinking: The child insists their feelings are entirely their own, that no one told them to feel this way
Unconditional support for the other parent: The alienating parent is seen as perfect; you're seen as entirely bad. There's no nuance.
Borrowed scenarios: The child references events they didn't witness or couldn't remember at their age
Extended family rejection: The rejection extends to your parents, siblings, and extended family who have done nothing wrong

Alienation vs. Estrangement

This distinction is critical — and courts care about it:

Alienation: The child's rejection is unjustified and driven by the other parent's influence. There is no legitimate reason for the child to reject you.
Estrangement: The child has legitimate reasons for distance — a history of abuse, neglect, absence, or harmful behavior by the rejected parent.

Be honest with yourself. If there are real reasons your child might be pulling away, those need to be addressed through your own growth and change. If there are no legitimate reasons and the rejection coincides with the other parent's behavior, that's alienation.

How Courts View Alienation

Courts increasingly recognize parental alienation, but they approach it cautiously:

Many judges have seen true alienation and take it seriously
Courts look for documented evidence, not just your word
Some states have specific statutes addressing alienation
A pattern of behavior matters more than isolated incidents
Courts may order custody evaluations, reunification therapy, or even custody transfers in severe cases

The Importance of Documentation

Start documenting immediately:

Save all communications where the other parent undermines your relationship
Note dates and specifics when your child repeats things that clearly came from the other parent
Keep records of denied or interfered parenting time
Document your continued efforts to maintain the relationship (calls, letters, showing up)
Ask teachers, coaches, and family members to document what they observe

What NOT to Do

Don't confront the other parent about alienation — it usually escalates
Don't badmouth them back — two alienating parents is worse for your child
Don't give up — children who are alienated need the rejected parent to keep showing up
Don't put the child in the middle — never ask them to choose

Getting Help

A therapist experienced with high-conflict custody can help you navigate this:

Psychology Today — filter by "family conflict" and "parental alienation"
NAMI Helpline: 1-800-950-6264

Next Steps

Start a detailed documentation log
Consult a family law attorney experienced with alienation cases
Request a custody evaluation if the alienation is severe
Find a therapist for yourself — this is emotionally devastating
Keep showing up. Your child needs you even when they say they don't.