False DV Allegations in Custody Cases

When Domestic Violence Claims Are Used as Tactics

False domestic violence allegations are among the most damaging weapons in custody disputes. A temporary restraining order (TRO) can remove you from your home, separate you from your children, and create a presumption that follows you through the entire case. Here's how to defend yourself.

Understanding TROs and Their Impact

A Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) is typically granted ex parte — meaning the other party gets it without you being present or having a chance to respond. The standard for granting a TRO is low: the petitioner only needs to show a reasonable fear of harm.

A TRO can:

• Order you out of your home
• Restrict contact with your children
• Limit communication to specific methods
• Require you to surrender firearms
• Affect your employment if you work in law enforcement, military, or security

A TRO is temporary (usually 14–21 days). Then there's a hearing where you can present your side. That hearing is your opportunity.

Immediate Steps After Being Served a TRO

1. Read it carefully: Understand exactly what you can and cannot do. Violating a TRO — even accidentally — is a criminal offense.
2. Comply completely: Even if it's unfair, comply 100%. A violation gives the other side ammunition.
3. Get an attorney: This hearing is too important for pro se. LawHelp.org for free legal aid.
4. Document your whereabouts: Start maintaining an alibi log. Where are you, who are you with, save receipts.

Preparing for the Hearing

At the hearing, the petitioner must show by a preponderance of evidence that abuse occurred or is likely. You need to show it didn't.

Evidence that helps your defense:

• Communication records showing normal, non-threatening interaction
• Witness statements from people who were present during alleged incidents
• Photos showing no injuries or damage
• Evidence of motive (timing with custody filing, pattern of escalating claims)
• Character references from employers, community members, family
• Timeline inconsistencies in the allegations

Resources for Male DV Victims and the Falsely Accused

• DASH (Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women): 1-888-743-5754 — confidential support for men
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 — thehotline.org — serves all genders
• Nolo.com — legal information on DV and restraining orders

How False DV Claims Affect Custody

In many states, a DV finding creates a rebuttable presumption against the abuser receiving custody. This means you'd have to prove you should have custody despite the finding. That's why fighting false allegations at the restraining order stage is critical — don't treat the hearing as unimportant.

Staying Composed

The other side may be counting on you to react emotionally — in court or outside it. Don't. Judges notice who is calm and who is escalating. Your composure is evidence of your character.

Next Steps

1. Read the TRO and comply with every provision
2. Hire an attorney for the hearing
3. Build your evidence package
4. Prepare your timeline and witnesses
5. Stay calm — your hearing is your chance to be heard